My attempts to learn French

I have no idea how many hours of French lessons I've taken. However I can tell you that I started learning French at school when I was 11 years old and carried on right up to include it as one of my botched up A levels. I then did a module at University, followed by evening classes after University, and I've now done two terms of classes in France. That's plenty to get you fluent you may say, well you'd probably be right. But unfortunately I still stumble through French with the eloquence and accuracy of a...well I can't think of an example but something that sounds bumbley and stupid. Oh I know, Boris Johnson!

Bonjour monsieur!

Table service in Paris

For anyone not familiar with Parisian bars and cafés, table service is pretty much everywhere. The majority of places you visit will be swarming with smiling waiters ready and eager to take your order and cater to your every whim. Oh hang on, this is Paris, isn’t it.

Let me just go back a bit….The majority of places you visit will be swarming with scowling waiters ready to ignore your most simple request.

But I jest, of course. In my experience of waiters in Paris they are just as friendly, or rather just as ambivalent, as anywhere else. But I don’t want to talk about whether or not Parisian waiters are friendly today, I want to know whether you agree with A or B below when I say, Table Service...

Paris' dirty pavements

Paris is a beautiful city, or so I believe. Despite having lived here for over a year I’ve not actually had chance to look yet as I’m too busy with my head down hopping over and dodging the masses upon masses of dog turds that cover the pavements and streets.

Sometimes I wonder what I look like with my random steps like something out of the Ministry of Silly Walks. 

But then I remember that no one’s looking at me, they’re all dodging the dog poo too.