My attempts to learn French

I have no idea how many hours of French lessons I've taken. However I can tell you that I started learning French at school when I was 11 years old and carried on right up to include it as one of my botched up A levels. I then did a module at University, followed by evening classes after University, and I've now done two terms of classes in France. That's plenty to get you fluent you may say, well you'd probably be right. But unfortunately I still stumble through French with the eloquence and accuracy of a...well I can't think of an example but something that sounds bumbley and stupid. Oh I know, Boris Johnson!

Bonjour monsieur!

I start a sentence ok but after about word four I realise that I am doomed and that I have no way to get out of the nonsense I have started. I have taken to mumbling and looking at my feet in the hope that my psychic powers will make the person I'm attempting to talk to think they heard what was in my head. But the translated version, bien sur.

It doesn't help that the only thing that Parisians love more than pushing me out of the way as I'm trying to get on the metro is proving to me how well they speak English. It is something I rant on and on and on (and on and on) about to pretty much anyone who'll listen. In shops and cafés the minute the person serving me realises that I'm English they switch to use that. And because I'm so weak and feeble I just start speaking English back, although inside I'm screaming "F**K YOU I AM TRYING YOU KNOW".

I know it probably sounds like I'm over-reacting, but when people reply in English to my attempts at French it's like they're saying I'm no good. And that's something I tell myself everyday, I don't need others chipping in their centime's worth.

A friend said I should just be grateful that they want to speak English with me as it's at least easier for me to understand. Which was silly of her because then she got treated to my level three rant on the subject, which lasts a lot longer than most rants and ends with me headbutting an unlucky passing French person.

Because it's not like I'm not trying to learn the language, I really am. I do classes, conversation exchanges, I read, I do grammar exercises, I listen to the radio, I even watch the telly, which in my humble opinion, SUCKS in France. I mean come on, they have a French version of Come Dine With Me which is actually about the food and not about how wasted the contestants can get. Where's the fun in that?

But regardless, I will continue. Head down and shoulders hunched over a grammar book, I will one day conquer this <insert swearword of choice> language. Because despite my continuing lack of fluency, I know I have made progress, and most of it has been enjoyable and has not involved large amounts of money.

I've created a page called "Learning French" that lists some of the things I've used to help me so far. If you're in same the position as me, then I hope they can help you too. Let me know of anything that you've done to help you learn French that you think could be useful.

Bon courage!

PP